Carter has too much time. Don't mistake that for having nothing to do, just not doing it.

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Ay! Drag show tonight! I'm performing "Alcohol" by the BareNaked Ladies and I've been sewing since last night. I've pricked my fingers so much that i can definitely FEEL every time I press one of these here keys in order to type.

It should be a lot of fun. I hope to make much money for the charity. If I seem to do well, maybe I'll get my nerve up to do this for money for me sometime. :)

Anyway, yes. I don't know where the dress rehearsal is. And it's soon. So I should check.


Monday, January 26, 2004

It's happening again. I'm in a gender class. I know about gender. If there is one thing I know about, it's gender. Yet I'm stuck not saying anything. I don't feel I should. Possibly because most of the other people in my class don't know about gender. At least not as well as I do. Anyway...*growl* I don't talk. I don't talk and it's annoying me. Because I'm the talker in my classes if there is one.

I've noticed that I've been talking less since I began coming out in classes as trans. Is it because my voice gives me away? Or because I'm scared someone will call me by my birth name (and they often do)? Is it because I'm busy trying to get past things others take for granted?

Virginia Woolf is much different from a transexuals viewpoint. Especially when we get to books like Orlando. In fiction and poetry classes we talk about the different ways males and females go about writing. Well, I don't fit into either category. Even in theater, I have to get my head around a sudden dichotomy in plays that I had not noticed before.

I always knew I wasn't quite comfortable playing female roles. In fact, I'd often try out for the more masculine roles. I could never see myself as a romantic female lead. Never. But now I'm directing actors placed in roles that they may not be comfortable with. Maybe it will make me a better director. I'm not entirely sure.

Anyway, I go from directing on one side of campus to weight training on the other side of campus. I have to change in between. Within ten minutes. I either have to go into a gendered bathroom (generally female because that's how people have known me) to change or take a bit longer waiting for the unisex bathroom in one of the class buildings or walking through the wind-tunnel and ride the elevator to my room. Anyway, I haven't found the most comfortable way to change into work-out clothes yet. Not to mention that I can't bind well when it's time to work out, because, let's face it, no matter how well one is binding, it's going to affect breath control and there tends to be slippage when one is moving so much.

Anyway, I've suddenly run into problems coming clean with my GID that I did not expect.
If you found me, you're smarter than I thought!

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